The Hard Parts: What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mom

Feb 3, 2024

By: Embracing Her Den

I’m going to be blunt; no post or blog can truly prepare you to become a parent. I’m not going to pretend like I know everything. After all, I am imperfect and just trying to do a little better each day! What I can tell you is that you are more than capable of handling whatever life throws at you. There will be good, bad, and ugly times. You will be mentally and emotionally energized, drained, and somehow both at the same time. The transition can be easy or hard. You never know what kind of beautiful gift you will receive (my first child had colic for months and my second was an “easy” newborn). You will make mistakes and that is OKAY.

Everyone talks about the highlights, which is AMAZING. No one talks about the hard parts of becoming a mother though. You never know how it truly feels until you are immersed in it, but I do wish I had some sort of idea as to what can happen.

*Disclaimer*

This post is not meant to cause anxiety. This is me being totally vulnerable and sharing some of my experiences. There are some things I wish I knew and maybe I can help some other first-time moms. My hope is to not make someone feel so alone.

His favorite place and position. #oneexhaustedmomma

Hormones are really whacky!

With my first child the hormones were fierce. I cried A LOT and to be honest, I think I was experiencing post-partum depression. If there’s one thing, I strongly suggest TALK TO SOMEONE. ASK FOR HELP. I suffered in silence for so long. I thought there was something wrong with me and I was afraid to reach out. I didn’t talk to anyone for fear of judgement and feeling like I should have it all together. Hypocritically I worked in mental health and preached asking for help. I was not being true to myself.

With my second child those feelings were not as intense, and I had a totally different experience. No two pregnancies, births, and children are the same.

Breast Feeding Issues

First off, I was naïve and apparently thought the baby would latch right on. Um, nope. I would suggest doing research before the baby arrives. Research on different feeding positions, what to do for cracked/bleeding nipples, engorgement, and just plain old everything. It was so much harder than I ever imagined, and it just was not working for me. Not only the latching but my supply was low. I exclusively pumped after a few weeks and that lasted another month until I was finally just over it. At least she got some liquid gold, right? With my second birth, I knew better, and he latch well but ended up in the NICU and it was just hard to keep up. Anyway, that turned into exclusively pumping and ending it after a while. For a long time, I felt disappointment, guilt, shame. I thought, “I should have tried harder to make it work”. I got over that and my children are happy and healthy (when they’re not catching colds 😒). FED IS BEST. I will stand by that always!

Not Bonding Right Away

I want to make it known that it can happen and there is nothing wrong with you! I thought I would feel this super strong connection and it was just a slower process than I anticipated. I absolutely loved my baby, but I cannot describe the feeling. I assumed this deep bond just naturally comes the instant your baby pops out of you. In hindsight, I believe it had to do with my exhausting labor and delivery. I was in labor for almost 30 hours and ended up in a C-section. I was exhausted. My husband was exhausted. I was recovering and on no sleep. I was struggling with balance of taking care of myself, being a new mother, marriage, housework, EVERYTHING. If this was some normal surgery, I would have had time to recover and focus on myself. Now I had to recover, from what is supposed to be a beautiful experience turned kind of traumatic, but I had to take care of my newborn as well as myself. Of course, I believe my intense hormonal changes contributed as well.

Missing Pre-baby Life

Oh, my goodness, I felt immense guilt over this! It is totally normal to miss your pre-baby years and still love your new life! The spontaneity and the freedom you once had is not the same and/or non-existent at times. Things change with a child and it’s just different. You can feel this way and still love your child tremendously. It does get easier with time.

Schedule/Routine Change

Speaking of changes, your old schedule and routines turn into new ones. You know you’ll be up every 2-4 hours to feed the baby, change diapers, etc. It's the unanticipated little things and at times they can feel demanding. One minute you’re leaving the house then the next thing you know the baby needs to eat! You stop everything to feed the baby even though you may be late to your event. Or maybe you used to take morning showers but now you are so tired that they turned into nighttime showers. Speaking of showers and getting ready…your two hours getting ready to go out turns into a 5-minute shower, throwing up your hair, and possibly slapping on some makeup. It's just different!

Importance of Taking Care of Yourself

Taking care of yourself does not end once the baby comes and it took me a long time to let go of the mom guilt. Also, it took me a long time to even remember to take care of myself as well. You’re the captain of the ship, don’t let it sink! Take care of yourself. You are worthy and deserve some TLC. If you don’t have anyone to help (some people don’t have a “village”) the hospital where you gave birth sometimes has first time mom groups, breastfeeding help, and all for free. Also, joining mom groups on social media can sometimes help so you have others to relate to.

She did not keep a pacifier for long. #loverofthethumb

REMEMBER YOU CAN FEEL...

Grateful for becoming a mother AND miss your pre-baby life.
Grateful AND still overwhelmed by motherhood.
Anxious about taking care of a baby and balancing everything AND excited and hopeful things will be okay.
Mom guilt AND also take care of yourself anyways.

As parents, we underestimate how much a child can change our lives. I want to bring you awareness because maybe you can anticipate how some things will change. You will cry tears of joy and sadness. The days fly by yet feel long at the same time. Those babies will teach you patience and love like you have never experienced before. I cannot even express how beautiful it truly is. When people say it goes by fast, it really does.

Motherhood is just plain tough, but it is also a beautiful gift to embrace.❤️

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