Self-Care: A Path to Honoring Our Family and Ourselves
By: Embracing Her Den
Our kids don’t want a perfect mom, they want a healthy mom. I’m learning this the hard way. I’ve always felt this immense guilt and shame leaving my kids. I still struggle with it, although I am getting better, I still have more work to do. When I consistently neglect myself, I feel extremely stressed and emotionally exhausted. It leaves me burnt out majority of the time. This ebbs and flows. I take time to myself and it’s just a band aid because then I just neglect myself again.
There is honor in sacrificing for your family but I’m learning that there is also honor in taking care of yourself as well.
I had a single mom and with the help of my Nana raised my brothers and me. It’s not easy being a single mom by any means. She also learned from her mother to give her whole self to her family and have little left for herself. As a child and into adulthood I observed them neglecting themselves to take care of us. I am forever grateful, but it also instilled in me from a young age that a mother had to give give give. This rested on my subconscious and is still affecting me now. It was instilled that if I take time for myself, I will not be a good mother. There is honor in sacrificing for your family but I’m learning that there is also honor in taking care of yourself as well.
Societal pressures of being the perfect mother are present everywhere. We ingest it through the media whether it’s movies, shows, socials, you name it. Even from a young age I grew up watching sitcoms (I know, old lady here) where the father is sitting and reading the newspaper while the mother is always cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, etc. Culture expects mothers to give endlessly and with poise. We are expected to meet all our own needs while simultaneously meeting the needs of our family. How is that working out for any of us? We are in a constant state of overstimulation and exhaustion which in turn leads to burnout. Something is always lacking regardless of how hard you are
trying.
We are expected to meet all our own needs while simultaneously meeting the needs of our family. How is that working out for any of us? We are in a constant state of overstimulation and exhaustion which in turn leads to burnout.
With these societal pressures and how I was raised I questioned my own values. My number one value is family and so I’m not being supportive if I’m not giving them my 110%, correct? Not, at all. This irrational thinking was also adding fuel to my guilt and shame. I realized now, reflecting on my values, is I oppose my value of family instead of supporting it when I don’t take care of myself. How? Unfortunately, I become irritable, easily overstimulated, and distant.
The time is now to finally take accountability for my own self-care to build better relationships not only with my family but with myself. I’ve lived too long with feeling like I’m unworthy of time. My time is not as valuable as my family’s time. I am a bad mother if I go out or take time to myself. I do not ask for the time I need to fill my bucket but rather the least amount of time that keeps me away from my family. It’s hurting my family and my mental health.
I’m ready to make the commitment of taking better care of myself. Are you?
Let’s do it together. ONE. STEP. AT. A. TIME.
To start, next time we catch ourselves feeling unworthy of taking time for ourselves let’s question:
Do these thoughts support or oppose my values? In what ways?
Is this thought true? Is this thought helpful?
How would taking time for myself make me a better mom? Spouse? Friend? Daughter?
What would I say to a friend who is feeling this way?
Follow me on my self-care journey through my blog and Instagram! More content to come!
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